The truth of the visions
by TrunksIzayaBossKadoDRRRotaku
Summary: He didn't know whether this was fiction or reality. But life has a nasty way of digging up old wounds from a past life. For Kirito the Black Swordsman is actually Lelouch vi Britannia reincarnate, and his precious Asuna is Shirley Fenette. What happens when their past life memories interfere with their lives now? The young swordsman will discover the secrets of his past.
1. Chapter 1 Kirito

-One : Dream or Illusion?

* * *

He isn't sure whether this is reality or a dream. The one thing he can say for certain is that the feelings coming from it are definitely _real. Real, reality. _That was something that he could never really grasp. Even as a young child, he'd never had much interest in social conversations or other things.

He preferred to spend time with his little sister, because for some reason, he feels as though he _needs to. _He feels as though he needs to pay attention to her, almost like he's atoning for something bad, something that went wrong. Every time he even _glances _at his little sister, he feels a sharp pang of regret tear through his heart, but he has no idea how or why he feels these feelings. He just does.

Every time he looks at her bright blue eyes, he can almost swear that he's seen those eyes before; innocent, gentle blue eyes that are filled with crimson red, as its owner happily shoots down person after person, drops of crimson staining her lovely lavender-and-white dress, all the while smiling innocently, as though it was nothing but some big joke.

And then he recalls the same girl, falling to the ground like a broken doll, after being shot to death, and then, and then...silence. Why did he do something like that? Why, why, why, why, why? Why did he kill her? Why did he kill his own sister?

He tries to open his mouth, to speak words, but not a single word will come out of its mouth. A foreign name slips from his lips, one that he's never heard before, yet he's sure he has heard it before. It's an amusing contradiction.

"Eu-Euphy," He says, and then suddenly, someone flicks him in the forehead. He opens his eyes to see his little sister looking at him in boredom, her cheeks drawn out in a pout; her lovely dark hair framing her face.

"Onii-chan, what the heck are you doing spacing out?" She scolds, in the same, gentle tone that she's always had; kind, yet cruel; gentle yet vicious; promising peace and yet earning them war, all the while soaked in blood and-

"Onii-chan, are you all right?"

He looks at her for a few long moments, trying to process what was just going on with his mind. The ten-year old shakes his head at his eight-year old sister and then smiles. "No...it's nothing..._Sugu." _

"Geez, Kazuto-Nii-chan sometimes worries me, with the way you space out a lot. It really, really bothers me," She says, turning away. He can't help but think that she looks cute that way, but she's his sister, a voice inside of him says. Thus, is finding her cute...wrong?

'You have another sister, somewhere,' A new voice says from within his mind.

He wonders why he suddenly feels the urge to call out to his sister about something. "Sugu," He says.

'Well, are we gonna begin kendo training or what?" She says, turning to face him, her tone impatient. She expects an answer.

He opens his mouth to speak, but Kazuto Kirigaya somehow can't bring himself to say the words, though they hang around in his head, words that are not his own. '

'I never meant to do it. I never meant to make you suffer.'

* * *

-Elsewhere-

From the time she was a little girl, she was always more perceptive than most people deemed her to be. She was quite fond of her father, very fond of him, in fact, and he of her. She was always a sweet, kind gentle little girl. That's what her father tells her over and over as he picks her up and holds her in his arms, telling her how much he loves her.

And then sometimes, she can't help but think that her real father is actually dead, lying buried beneath a bunch of rubble, suffocating. And then she starts to wonder who she really is, and whether or not this is fiction or reality. Then she looks up at her father and realizes that he is alive, just as alive as she is right now.

That night, she dreams of darkness, of rain falling down on her shoulders like an endless waterfall of emotion. Somehow, she is crying, but she doesn't know how or why. And then there he is. The same angel that always is in her dreams. That dark hair of his, and those mysterious eyes of his...she can never remember the color, but when the little girl sees them, she assures her that they're quite rare; amethyst, like the gem, a truly precious person.

She finds herself feeling strange emotions for this person, emotions she's never felt before. She feels everything from happiness to sadness to regret, and even...anger. But more than anything, she wants to jump into this person's arms and tell him she's sorry that she left him and that she knew they would find each other again and fall in love with each other over and over.

But whenever she wakes up, everything is still real, and the phantom man who haunts her is gone, leaving ten-year old Asuna Yuuki wondering just what is truth and what is fiction.

* * *

He's always been a video gamer, Kazuto has to admit. Why? Is it because he's bored and seeks something to do, or because he simply wants to escape reality, away from his grandfather's harsh looks, away from his beatings, away from his little sister?

Is it a way to escape these confusing thoughts swirling around his mind, the feelings of a person that is him and yet not? The dark-haired boy shakes his head. Now's not the time to be thinking of those things. Today, he'll be getting to try it out, SWORD ART ONLINE. He's been waiting to try it since it came out.

Finally, he'll be able to escape those dreams, maybe now he can actually feel like himself. Another strange thing Kazuto has noticed is that his eye twinges from time to time, his left one. And he's not certain why. He thinks maybe all the time he spends playing video games has done something to his eyesight.

Every time he looks at his sister now, he feels nothing but a terrible sense of heartbreak. Maybe that's why he's so eager to escape her sight, maybe then he won't have to see her begging for her life as she lies dying in a pool of her own blood, asking him why over and over.

Maybe he won't have to think of Sugu as someone else and just see her as Sugu. Sighing, he thrusts himself into the world of SAO and enters the world of fantasy, escaping both his boring reality and the torment of endless dreams that seem to chase him no matter where he goes.

Kazuto, or else Kirito, can't believe this just happened. He's now trapped within the very game he's wished to be a part of. Wasn't that what he's always wanted? He's always wanted to live a life free of boredom. He likes the feeling holding a sword gives, that is...as long as it's not being plunged into his chest and blood goes everywhere.

Kirito shakes off those thoughts. Now isn't the time to think about them. It's then that he notices _her. A girl sitting all by herself._

For some reason, a voice inside his mind is practically begging him to go to her. She's so familiar and yet a total stranger. His heart is aching to see her, filled with unidentifiable emotions that he can't quite place. He doesn't know who she is, and yet he thinks he can talk to her about anything.

"How did you know?" The voice of the girl, Asuna, snaps Kirito out of his thoughts as he turns to look at her.

"How did I know?" He says, softly. 'I've always known,' He thinks, but stops himself. "I saw your name by your HP bar. Did I get the pronunciation wrong?"

But somehow, he thinks her name is something different from Asuna, but something that starts with an S.

"Wait, can't I have your name at least?" She says, "Ki-ri-to. Oh, it was there all along and I didn't even notice!" She says, laughing as though it's nothing more than some big joke, and Kirito feels his heart both lighten and sadden at the sight of seeing her laugh.

He _must _get away from her. He can't let her die, not again. He already found her lying dead on the floor in a pool of her own blood and begged her to live, only to lose her. He will not lose her again.

Unfortunately for Lelouch Lamperouge, trouble will always follow him, even in his new life as Kirito the Beater, and even with Shirley by his side as his one and only Asuna, the new life will still challenge the former Black Prince, now the Black Swordsman.

_I have no idea how I came up with this. I dunno if this is any good._


	2. Chapter 2 I'm not Lelouch

**A/N:I suppose this is a more deeply written story than most of mine, just told from their feelings and point of view, but I find it quite interesting to write! I love doing it. You know that, huh? :D Suzaku is also an early newcomer, but he's here. Let's just theorize that he also entered SAO and will now meet Kirito. I used to be quite a rabid hater of Suzaku, but I've calmed down a bit. **

**Chapter Two Of Beaters and loss**

* * *

**Beater. **How funny it was, that in a death game, innocuous statements, like jokes, even, could take on such negative connotations, Kirito thinks.

'_For example, if I told you to kill all the Japanese, it wouldn't matter how you felt about it-' _

Kirito blinks for a few moments, before the solo Beater wonders just _where_ he's heard that before, and just _why_ it fits so _perfectly _with the scene at hand, and why-does he feel the urge to cry?

It's a strange feeling, not feeling like he knows himself. Kirito feels like there are two parts to himself: of course, there is. There is the side that his family knows; Kazuto Kirigaya, the video gamer and Suguha's older brother/cousin, and then there is the side that the rest of the video game world knows; Kirito the Beater.

But it feels like there is another side to him. Sometimes, whenever he looks at himself in the virtual mirror of SAO, he can't help but feel as though there's a part of him that's dormant.

He stares at the five people sitting at the table, in disbelief. They're honestly...Kirito can't believe his luck. These people thank him, all with eager smiles on their faces. They honestly believe that he is their savior? How would these people react once they know he's a beater? He had seen the looks before; fear, hatred, jealousy.

He touches his black cape briefly. He chose this outfit specifically because it's black. In fact, Kirito has always liked wearing black. Black seems to suit him. It seems to define who he is as an individual. Sugu once asked him why he wears black, and he couldn't really answer her for a moment until he said because it made him look cool.

She had blushed then and told him that he would always look cool in whatever he wore.

There's a sweet girl, a girl with blue eyes as bright as sapphires, and the second that their eyes meet, he feels something in his heart _twist. _Something cries out in his mind...blue eyes that he loved, eyes of someone that he tried to save, and yet could not. Someone who said sorry and left him...

"Um, what's your name? I'm Keita," The guy says, looking at him with a nervous smile on his face, "This is Sachi, this is Ducker, this is Tetsuo, and this is Sasamaru."

"I'm Kirito." He says, though for a second he wonders if that's really his name, but then pauses. And Kirito the Beater smiles as he's accepted into their family.

"Sachi, you should go back," He urges.

The girl looks away from him, their gazes do not meet. Kirito just sits there, thinking about the futility of this game, thinking about how this whole game is nothing but an amusing tool in the hands of Kayaba Akihiko.

He thinks about pawns on a chessboard, and whenever he does, his fists tighten even more. Kirito has never liked chess; he's never liked the idea of seeing people as pawns. Whenever he thinks of that, he just feels sick, for reasons he cannot describe.

"I-I'm afraid of dying, Kirito. I don't want to die...Why do we have to do this?" She says.

'Why? I don't want to kill them! I don't. No!'

For a second, he's reminded of another distressed girl, one with long pink hair, purple eyes filled with tears as she tries to desperately fight off a command she abhors but must obey. Kirito shakes those thoughts off.

"A-Ah, you won't die!" He says reassuringly, trying to tell this girl that everything will be okay. He doesn't want another girl to die because of him.

'Are you sure you'll be able to save her, Kirito?' A voice says from his mind.

The girl blushes. The girl is like that of innocence, a shining light in the harsh existence of Kirito the Beater. He treasures this precious existence, he treasures the time that the Black Cats have with each other, enjoys the time they spend laughing with each other; all the while he knows the harsh truth; he is higher in level than they are, and he cannot hope to forever be with them. His fists tighten so hard.

* * *

He will tell them today, he will tell them how high level he actually is. They are going to go exploring in a dungeon. For most of the day, Kirito has felt a sharp pang of dread in the pit of his stomach, and he cannot explain it. All he knows is that whenever he thinks about it too much, his virtual eye burns, but this isn't real, is it? His whole body feels that it's on fire.

'The power of the King will condemn you to a life of solitude. Are you prepared for that?'

Such are the words that echo in his head from time to time. But Kirito pays them no mind. He has long since figured that he must be insane.

They are trapped. It is a death-trap. He watches, frozen in fear. He draws his sword and waits for the impact. He takes down enemy after enemy, foe after foe, in a long, dizzying spell, watching as the nightmare continues on. Ducker is hit and killed, smashed to pieces, and then Tetsuo and Sasamaru. Each time he hears that, Kirito's determination grows stronger. He'll make it out of here alive.

Then he hears her call.

"Kirito..."

So weak and frenzied, pitiful.

"Sachi!" He cries, reaching out. He can see the girl. Much like the way a boy with green eyes had watched his lover with delighted eyes and then watched her fall-just as Kirito does, he watches as Sachi is struck in the back and falls to the ground like a helpless doll before whispering something under her breath and then disappearing, in a shatter of rainbow polygons.

Once again, he has been left alone. He is not surprised. He listens to Sachi's song, and tears come out of the broken swordsman's heart and stain the ground.

That night, he dreams of seeing Sachi, and shouting, 'live, you must live, Sachi. You've got to live.' The figure of Sachi and the orangette, Asuna, all flicker out and disappear, and then he dreams of a sword going through his chest, ending his life, as his HP drains to zero. Zero? Why did that matter so much to him? WHY?

A little girl screams for him to not die. Is that his sister, Suguha? Silica-chan? He can't be sure which. And then he wakes up, always convinced that it's nothing more than a mere dream, until this day.

Today. It started out as just an ordinary day, really. Asuna had chosen to be with him today. Then Kirito notices a random civilian who's being attacked by monsters. Really low-level monsters, but still, monsters that are hard for even the strongest amateur to challenge. He and Asuna destroy them in a flash of rainbow polygons.

Whenever he and Asuna sheathe their blades, they turn to look at the person who has been saved, and that is when Kirito's heart stops. For the man that they are facing seems to be identical to the one he has seen in his dreams. The one with the same curly brown hair and green eyes, yes that is definitely him. Kirito freezes, his gray eyes focused on the stranger before him, ignoring Asuna's questioning look, ignoring the stranger's look, until Asuna speaks his name.

"Kirito, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Asuna," He says, regaining his composure. He also wonders why the boy is staring at him as though he's an alien.

"Shirley?" The other boy breathes.

"My name's not Shirley, it's Asuna. And this is a solo player. A Beater."

"I'm Kirito, nice to meet you," Kirito says, extending his hand out to meet the other boy. Suzuki, was that his name, or Suzaku...but for some reason, whenever his hand touches the other's, he can't help but feel a sense of disgust surge through him. A feeling of sudden hate he can't quite explain that drifts through his body.

"Do you hate me or something?" The boy asks, but Kirito does not answer. He has his hands stuck in the pocket of his jeans and he cannot quite grasp what he is thinking right now, thus he cannot answer, rather in the affirmative or the negative.

And then the boy says something that makes Kirito pause.

"Lelouch?"

Kirito blinks and blinks again. What was it about that name? Something about it...he didn't like it. He definitely didn't like it. Not whenever it was uttered from this person's mouth.

"Are you really Lelouch? My god..." He says, reaching out towards the dark-haired teenager.

Suzaku could not believe this. He was rescued by a girl who looks like the spitting image of Shirley Fenette, and then a boy who is dark-haired, wears dark clothing, has a quiet aura and keeps to himself shows up; he acts just like Lelouch. His eyes are not purple, they are gray like stormy skies. But the way he flinches around him, the way he's so unsure. It reminds him too much of Lelouch.

He's not expecting the dark-haired boy's reaction to such a word.

"Lelouch, is it you?" He says, coming toward the boy he thinks is Lelouch. They have so much to talk about, so much they _need _to talk about. Much to his surprise, the boy glares at him with a hatred he couldn't imagine possible, smacks his hand away, and then pulls the orange-haired girl away from him, leaving Suzaku to wonder what he said wrong.

The boy finally speaks. "I don't know what you're talking about, but my name's Kirito. I'm not this Lelouch person. I don't know who you think you are, but I don't trust you," He says, his hand on his sword.

"What are you saying, Lelouch? We're best friends, you know you can trust me." He says, coming towards Lelouch.

"Shut the hell up. I don't know you. Stay away from me and Asuna."

"Kirito, how can you be so rude?" Asuna scolds.

"Why is he acting so familiar with me?" Kirito says. He does not know this man, nor does he trust him, because he is the one who stabs him in his chest in his dreams. He is the enemy. "I don't like you."


	3. Chapter 3 the irritating man

**A/N:I'm off to find a better title chapter for this, because it sucks ass. But right now, I'm still pissy about both the Ferguson shit and the annoying Deviantart crap. I should not be dissed simply because I upload something that expresses my feelings. Now I don't know where I should put this. Perhaps I should just upload it on Tumblr and that'll be it. Yeah, definitely. Guess what happened? My recorder which had all my music and writing just died. Now I have to redo it all. **

**Chapter 3 I don't like you**

* * *

Suzaku isn't sure what to think after Lelouch dies. His entire world is shattered. It is the day everyone laughs when the Demon Emperor dies, and they bathe in his blood, shouting and crying in delight. It is also the day that a piece of Suzaku's heart dies with him. Now he is a hollow shell of a man.

Becoming Zero is something he has never wanted, was this Lelouch's last wish, or his last curse, he thinks as he stares at the foul mask in the mirror-the one that stole his precious Euphemia away from him is laughing at him in the mirror, taunting his very existence. He regrets this decision for the rest of his life. But he is desperate-desperate to escape from his existence as Suzaku Kururugi, desperate to escape the name of a terrorist and a dead man.

So that is why he gets into online gaming to begin with, it is nothing more than an escape from the world, from reality, from his own emotions. It is this feeling and this feeling alone that brings him into the world of Sword Art Online, a world that, ironically enough, Lelouch's reincarnation also felt necessary to escape into.

So when the two meet again, it is only natural that an existence like Suzaku would cause Kirito such confusion. Every time Kirito even looks at the boy, or speaks to him, he feels a sense of despair come over him, a sense of strange fear, of hate, of anger, of sadness...foreign feelings that do not belong to him.

It's not the only reason he dislikes this man; he dislikes this man because he treats him as someone he is not, and will never be. His name is _not_ Lelouch. His name is _Kirito,_ and he'll be damned if he can get this fool to listen to reason. The worst thing of all, though...is that he won't leave Kirito alone.

Kirito does not like this man, he does not like the irritating things this man says and does. Most of all, he does not like how the man looks so sad at him all the time, and it just irritates him. The young swordsman does not know how or why he can feel such hate for a mere stranger.

"So your name isn't Shirley? You sure do resemble a girl I knew..." The boy says as he talks to Asuna, who laughs and talks like she usually does, telling him about the Knights of the Blood and a little bit about Kirito himself.

The boy keeps on refusing to meet his gaze, Suzaku notices. He either has his look on the orangette or else he's sticking his hands in his pockets and refusing to say anything. He wants to talk to him, to at least attempt to apologize if he came across as rude. But what would it mean to this boy? What would it mean, to Lelouch?

Lelouch as he is now does not remember him, does not remember the bond they shared, does not know and does not care about him. He does not care about Nunnally. Thinking this makes him feel as though he wants to cry.

So he tries to talk to him. It's just one simple question. "...Did I do something wrong?"

The black-haired boy glares at him sharply. "Yes, you have. You've annoyed me too much. Just leave Asuna and I alone!" Suddenly, he clutches his eye as pain shoots through it.

"Kirito!" Asuna cries, rushing to his side. She wonders why strong, brave, unfaltering Kirito has to go through such pain and sorrow. She had listened to his tale of woe about Sachi and the Guild he lost, the Guild he couldn't protect. That had sent so much pain into her that she felt as though she were about to burst at the seams doing so.

"I-I'm fine, Asuna," Kirito pants, wondering just what is happening to him, what is going on with his body, and why it all seems to be tied to this man, this mysterious man who is destroying the peaceful life he is seeking to build with Asuna.

He cannot forgive him. He cannot. Because every time he sees this man, he is reminded of what he has lost. Sachi, all those who died because of him.

Kirito loves swords. He likes the feel of them; he loves being able to grasp them in his hands and use them to attack. As a kid, he'd disliked feeling weak, he'd always taken exercises in defense class so he could never be weak. To him, weak was both physical and mental. He does not like the idea of being without a cold blade in his hand, to him it felt like the cold hand of reason.

Kirito wields his blade at Suzaku for a few moments before he seems to think twice and sheathes his sword. Wondering what is wrong with the boy, Suzaku approaches him. "What's wrong with you, kid?"

"Don't get so close to me," Kirito spits, not fond of this man at all.

"Don't mind Kirito. He's not a very social person," Asuna says reassuringly, looking at him with her pleading eyes, and in the end, that's all he needs, is her forgiveness, all he needs is her. Everything else can...well, he doesn't really care. He could even destroy SAO and the real world-just to get to her.


	4. Chapter 4 the cruelty of the world

**A/N:...I feel like writing kills our sorrow, and fills our hearts back up with sweet emotions. And in a way, it brings us all together. That came right out of my muse. And boy, does it fit the things I'm feeling right now. So, allow me to make up for them right now...with another chapter of this story.**

* * *

**Chapter Four the cruelty of the world**

Once upon a time, there was a young girl who loved and treasured her brother (or was it the many brothers and sisters she had?) above everything else, even her own life. She would gladly do anything for him, even throw aside her own life and her way of living, just to show him that she cared.

But if there was one thing that made her different from the rest of the people of the noble court, (was she ever a noble? She doesn't know what's real and what's not, anymore, not since her brother fell unconscious and is now lying there, like a doll, unmoving) it was that the sufferings of the helpless and the unfortunate souls being crushed upon by the cruel stares of the stern who would leave them to their fates, she _was _uncorrupted and whole.

She could feel for them, she _understood _their suffering, and only wished that everyone else could understand the unending pain she felt. For she never understood the things called race-Britannian, Japanese-it never mattered to her, not one bit, for they were all this one little thing called _human, _why, oh why, couldn't they see this and stop hurting each other so much? Every time a Britannian would hurt, humiliate or kill a Japanese, her heart panged out with sorrow for them, because _she _felt the pain as much as if she were the one suffering.

Oh, she could never explain to them why she looked at them with no hate in her eyes, just pure and undying love for them, regard for their lives, treating them just as precious as she did her own sister, her half-siblings, her brothers, her mother, her servants, and her pets. They wouldn't understand. This great, wrenching sorrow filled her heart over and over.

When people told Suguha-or was it _Euphemia-_she could never hope to reason with a Japanese person, her response was to laugh in their faces and resist the urge, however strongly, to tell them that she felt _pain _every time they were hurt, cried whenever they cried, and wanted nothing more than to help them. So why could the world be so cold and cruel and be this way? It must be changed, it has to be-for Nunnally's sake, for Lelouch's-no, Kazuto's sake-the world had to be changed.

So why-why was she gunned down so helplessly, covered in the blood of those she wanted to save more than anything-? Suguha could do nothing but to sink down into the depths of her deepening despair as thoughts became contorted with reality and fantasy overtook it, laughing all the way at her despair.

She watches her brother over and over, wondering just _when _he will wake up, when will he smile at her in that endearing manner of his and tell her everything is all right-when will things be like the way they used to be? She asks these questions over and over, and yet they remain unanswered.

Her own brother was actually her cousin-but somehow, she's actually known-known that they were never full-blooded siblings. That once they shared the same blood of the same father, but the women who birthed them were different. But a difference in blood does _not _change the feelings she holds for him. They cannot. Rather, these unusual feelings grow stronger the more she tries to deny them.

It's like a never-ending web of despair, no matter how hard she tries to escape, she cannot, and is ensnared in her own feelings. She knows she cannot change how she feels, but she can change _him. _She can change him for the better-she can make him a normal human being again-

'_Won't you stop being Zero and join us in the pursuit of peace?' _

How well that had gone over, then! How well had her Special Administrated Zone gone over among the very people she longed to help? It ended with her dying. But this time around, she will not die, wasting away on a bed. She will not let Kazuto suffer. She will be there for him.

She will be his everything. No matter what.

Nothing will change that, nothing at all.

* * *

Kirito and Asuna do not ask each other questions about the mysterious man known as Suzaku who has left an impact on their lives that they will not forget. Ever. He cannot forget about him. And he doesn't know why. That's the worst part of all of this.

He cannot understand what is happening with himself lately, and Asuna can only guess vaguely. It doesn't help things. How can he be Kirito, the Beater, and yet suffer these bizarre outbreaks of deja vu and things that don't make any sense. It's so ironic he just wants to laugh.

* * *

He meets a girl named Lisbeth, who has hair the color of a rose in full bloom-and he does not know why-but every time he sees her hair color and looks at her face, he is stricken with a terrible feeling of sadness and he does not know why. Perhaps this is why he's so protective of her and distant at the same time. It's a funny thing.

Lisbeth does not know what to think of Kirito the Beater. He's got quite a reputation in SAO-one of infamy. He is not known to speak much, but his skills in battle speak for themselves. When she meets the man in person, she has to say, she was expecting someone much taller and more mysterious-like someone in a mask.

She does not understand why he looks away from her when he talks, why he seems to flinch at the sight of her gaze, why he always looks so sad when he sees her. It pains her heart. She has a crush on him and at the same time he is pushing her away.

"Why?" She breathes one night, as they lie under the stars, "...Why don't you like looking at me, Kirito."

For a moment, he does not speak. Then another. Then finally, he opens his mouth and speaks like it's one of the hardest things he's ever done in his life. "...It's...complicated, Liz. You see...in my dreams, there is a girl with pink hair...and she dies a terrible death. You remind me of her. Though she is a total stranger to me, I feel as though I know her...like I'm responsible for her demise. It's unbelievable, right? Yet I feel as though this isn't the first time I've been confronted with death on a daily basis."

If he closes his eyes, he can almost see the fallen Japanese, screaming as their ghettos are destroyed and their lives are ended, can see a mudslide raining down a mountain, ending innocent lives, can see a giant pink light flashing over a city, one that tears him apart, and can see countless wars and endless bloodshed in his inner mind. And somehow, it's happening..._all over again. _

She wonders why he seems so serious. "Kirito-san, do you really believe...these things? These...visions, I mean."

He turns toward her, his grey eyes dead serious, and nods. "...Yes. They've happened all my life. And it feels like something I must embrace as being part of me. But what does it all mean?"

She does not understand him at all. Though he is friendly with her, the dark clothes he wears just serve to hide the enigma of his true nature, just cloak him in a blackness that seems to incorporate his entire being.

When Kirito dreams that night, he is in nothing but black. He hears a voice speaking to him, one he does not know. Who is it?

'_You must remember what happened before. Before it's too late. You can't let her die again. Kirito, you must remember all that happened, what you did.' _

Kirito shakes his head. "I don't understand. Who are you, and what do you mean?" He cries.

The voice speaks again, '_You are not yet willing to open your eyes to reality. It is why you ran away to this game world. You do not take things seriously. You are still a naive child, Kirito. That disappoints me. What happened to your attitude of justice, of protecting the innocent? You let Sachi die.' _

Kirito feels hot anger sweep over him. Who does this person think he is? "Shut up! You don't understand a thing at all about me!"

A chuckle comes from within his mind. '_I know more about you than you deem possible. You'll understand one day.'_

And then he rouses, shaken awake by a worried Asuna, who questions him on why exactly he was moaning in his sleep. For once, he has no answers for her.


	5. Chapter 5 through eyes of innocence

**A/N:Time for the next chapter to this story! I've actually opened up a Kirito rping blog and have started roleplaying! It's so much fun. Faceless by Red is a great song and it reminds me so much of Kirito and Sachi, or Asuna. I've grown to like all of the SAO girls. I'm not so keen on GGO, though. I'm not sure how comfortable I am with the idea of Kirito being female (or looking feminine.) Also, I think some of Kirito's traits in the show (being so withdrawn and introverted, and acting like he's used to being hated, are kinda signs of someone who's been bullied. I mean, he's clearly **_**not **_**used to people being kind to him. And when Sugu mentions school to him, he completely freezes up and suggests a school for SAO people. What's with that? I know when I was bullied, I retreated to video games as an escape. Maybe Kirito did the same. **

* * *

**Chapter Five through the eyes of innocence**

Silica honestly had to say, she had not been expecting someone like Kirito-san to come save her when Pina had been killed. She had been expecting him to kill her or steal her items from her, not smile gently at her and tell her it was just fine and that he would help her revive her friend.

Kirito-san was such a nice man. She liked him. In a world filled to the brim with shallow, fake things (but would that make Pina fake as well?) Aincrad, or rather Sword Art Online, was rather like a child's vision come to life when she thought hard about the high, arching pillars of the tower that resembled the Tower of Babel, the forbidden one, and yet at the same time, this world was coated bright crimson in the shards of reality that some players clung to for support, while others were trapped in the dream.

Whether this was fantasy or not was certainly a rough question for little Silica to answer, as when her pet had been killed in front of her, it certainly felt real, and the pain she felt when she was hit by those apes certainly felt real. She didn't want to think of this world as an illusion, or a lie. What did that make Kirito-san, then? Was he just as illusory as this very world?

She really did like him, but she never understood exactly _why he always _took on a sad look if she asked him if he'd banded together with any other people, and if he had any friends. Why did he always look so sad when she asked that; (rather like an old man cloaked in the form of a young man, someone who'd seen tragedy a thousand times and never wanted to see it ever again.)

For Kirito-san's eyes spoke of sadness, of loss, of the face of someone who had lost a dozen people that mattered most to them. Of course, if she tried to ask him, he would brush her off, saying he was just fine and that she should worry about herself. But she couldn't help but feel that every time those gray eyes looked away from her that he was hiding something.

That was what her intuition was telling her, and yet she felt like she couldn't help him at all, like his secrets were locked away somewhere deep inside him, somewhere she couldn't touch, couldn't reach even if she tried. And that was the worst feeling of all, for she felt all these feelings for a stranger she barely even knew, and yet every time she extended her arms out to him, he would just brush her away, and smile and say it was nothing. But she couldn't bring herself to believe his words. She knew, deep down inside, he was suffering.

She had seen the looks that people would give him whenever she was out with him in public. People had whispered all kinds of nasty names at him when they thought she wasn't listening. They called him a beater, a cheating, lying despicable person, an arrogant swordsman who refused to share his information with others, and was responsible for getting lots of them killed. A lying jerk who used his knowledge of video games as an excuse to not share items with others, a bastard; an asshole who was the worst kind of person to come across.

She had just shaken her head at these rumors.

"Thank you for helping me, Kirito-san," She said to Kirito-san. The black-haired boy looked at her for a few moments and she could have sworn she had seen his eyes flash with an unknown emotion, sadness, maybe, before he whispered.

"Thank you, Silica-chan. I'm very, very glad to know that you don't hate me."

"Why would they hate you, Kirito-san?" She asked, unable to comprehend why on earth such a cute, sweet, and kind boy could be hated by anyone. "You're really nice to me. Aren't you nice to everyone?"

"I try to be," He muttered, "But still, it seems like no matter what I do, I can't reason with people. You see, I'm a beta tester."

"So what?" She said. She had heard some of the accusations thrown at beta testers; saying that they were to blame for all the people stuck inside the game and that they hadn't come to their aid when they should have. She found that to be nothing but garbage. Kirito-san was one of them and yet he was treating her with such respect, like a gentleman. He'd listened to her, he didn't laugh at her like any of her team members or like Rosalia-san did.

He'd listened to her, the way that her parents did when she told them about bullies in school. In fact, Silica-chan had troubles with bullies at school, and she'd thought that entering SAO would allow her to escape that stuff. Whenever she'd become popular, she supposed she had let her ego get the better of her.

"You know, Kirito-san, I don't really get along well with my classmates."

"Why would they hate someone as nice and gentle as you, Silica-chan?" He asked, patting her head. She blushed a little.

"Well," She began, "I guess they think that I'm arrogant and that I should be more open with others."

"Are you?" He asked.

She shook her head. "No, I'm afraid of getting hurt and there are all these bullies. They make my life hell and they won't leave me alone." Her eyes welled up with tears, "What do I do? They always tell me it's my fault that no one wants to be my friend. I try to tell the teachers, but no one will help me."

She felt utterly helpless again, as more tears streamed down her face.

He patted her head and then smiled gently at her, in that same way that made her feel warm inside. "It's all right. You'll be fine, Silica-chan. I'll make sure of that."

There was a quiet determination to his words that made her believe him, but at the same time, she was scared, scared of the inner darkness that lurked within him. "Kirito-san, are you...hiding something?"

"Eh?" He looked at her.

"I think you are, aren't you?"

"N-No, what would give you that impression?" He said.

"Well, you always seem kind of scared when you think about things. I can tell from the look in your eyes."

"Aren't you perceptive? I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me; I should be worrying about you. I'm like your older brother, right?" He said.

"That's right. I appreciate you. Do you get along well with the kids in your school, Kirito-san?"

His face hardened. For a moment, she thought she was looking at a different person completely from the darkness in his eyes. She hated seeing the light fade out of his eyes. She hated seeing that cold, swordsman side of him. She only wanted to see the gentle side of him.

"In some ways," He began, "You could say that people...I mean, I got along just fine with the girls in school, but the guys...they always thought I was a nerd who didn't socialize well with anyone. And when I was little, because of the way my grandfather treated me, kids would make fun of me, saying I didn't try hard enough. The only one who really helped me out at that time...was my sister. She helped me compose myself. If it weren't for her, I don't know where I'd be."

"Kirito-san, you're a good person, why can't everyone see that like I can?"

"Because not everyone is as open and kind as you are," He said, with determination burning in his eyes. "But even so, I will help those who hate me."

As Kirito thought back over his past, his eyes hardened.

* * *

_"Hey, isn't that Kazuto Kirigaya, the school's nerd?"_

_"You shouldn't come near him. His video gaming's kinda like a disease, you know. I heard he spends all his time shut up in his room and never bothers to come out. He does his homework so much, it's like he's stuck in a world of his own. Hey, Kazuto, you wanna play your video games with us? You think of us as one of the bad guys, right? Huh?"_

_Kazuto ignored them, walking down the hallway with a purposeful stride. The girls looked at him._

_"I'd like to go near Kazuto, but he scares me. He's so distant and cold. He thinks he's better than the rest of the boys and I don't know what to say about that." _

_"Um, Kazuto-kun, would you like to come have lunch with me?" A girl asked Kazuto, but he looked at her for a few moments before shrugging his shoulders, a smile on his face. _

_"I'm sorry," He said, "I promised my little sister I'd take her out somewhere, so I can't."_

_Tears filled up in the girl's eyes. "You really are a jerk, just like all the rumors say!"_

_"Wait, I didn't mean it like that!" He cried, but she pushed him aside and ran off._

_"It looks like Kazuto really is a cold jerk." A boy taunted before tripping Kazuto and causing him to fall over, scattering his stuff. Kazuto said nothing; he gathered up his things and glared at them. _

_"Shut up," He whispered, a cold fire in his eyes. _

_"What was that? You remember when you used to run home crying to your parents because of how we treated you? And yet the teachers never listened to you. It's funny, though. You think they would, since you're the class pet. But you're just a lonely orphan. I heard the person who raises you now isn't even your real mother. You're just a bastard. No one wants you." _

_Kazuto looked like he wanted to punch them, but thought better of it. "People like you are just scum." He whispered._

_"Ha, you're just not in your video game world, so you don't have time to deal with us. Is that it?"_

_"No, people like you are so vile that whenever I look at you, I feel nothing but distaste. So, sorry," He finished, a smug smirk on his lips, "But I think I should be on my way now. I'm late for my class."_

_"Hold on, don't you think you can say no to us, you little nerd!" They said. _

_But Kazuto was good with kendo, thus he avoided them. He walked away, leaving them all agape at his audacity._

_"_And it wasn't like class was any better," He said to Silica.

_"There's Kirigaya-kun. He's so cute. Maybe you could ask him out." _

_"Eh? No way, did you hear how he rejected a girl in the middle of the hallway?"_

_"I heard she's a nice girl. How could he do that to her? He's such a jerk. I posted stuff about it online, saying he was a cold, heartless guy." _

_They were talking out loud, on purpose, so he could hear them, but even so, Kazuto paid them no mind. His focus was on his desk and his work. _

_"Kirigaya-kun, do you know the answer to this question?" The teacher asked, fixing him with a worried gaze. It made him wonder why they bothered when no one else seemed to like him. He knew that he was the school's outcast._

_It was the one thing that kept him sane. His video games. _

_"I know the answer to this question," He said. _

_Kazuto had to smirk a little at that. This one teacher always noticed whenever he was being picked on by people. _

"And it wasn't like my grandfather was understanding, either..."

* * *

He could recall his grandfather beating him, screaming about how he was such a disgrace to the family name for not wanting to take kendo anymore.

"You're a disgrace!"

"Stop it, leave my niisan alone!" Sugu cried, racing in front of him.

"Sugu," He whispered, watching as she took a blow meant for him.

"Nii-chan, it's okay, I'm here for you." She whispered. In many ways, Sugu was the first girl he'd ever grown to care about. But Sachi was the first girl he could safely say he loved, and he'd lost her.

He could see Silica's smiling face. He didn't want her to wind up like Euphie, Sachi, and Shirley...but who were Euphie and Shirley? Why did their names mean so much to him?

"Kirito-kun, how could they treat you like that? It's awful."

"Yeah, and it just continues in SAO. It's like there's nowhere I can go to escape their hatred." He whispered.

"Don't worry, Kirito-kun, I'll help you."

"I can handle myself," Was his reassured reply.

"Oh, look, Silica-chan," Came the feigned voice of Rosalia. Instantly, Silica froze up, something that didn't escape Kirito's notice.

"Are you okay?" He asked her.

"I'm fine," She lied.

"Oh, Silica-chan, I was getting kinda worried about you," She said, "Oh, where on earth is your friend?"

She looked from Kirito, to Rosalia. "Pina died protecting me. But I'm definitely going to revive her."

"You'll need a revival item, then," She said nastily. "And who is this? Is he someone else you've seduced?"

"Not at all," Kirito said, "I'm sure we can handle it ourselves. Come on," He said, pulling Silica away, but not before smirking at Rosalia, something that didn't escape her notice.

Rosalia licked her lips. "He seems like the perfect target."

Kirito doesn't know why, but for some reason every time he sees the little girl cry, he can't help but want to comfort her. "Don't worry," He said. "We'll take care of things."

She smiled then.

Kirito couldn't help but smile then as he watched Silica.

"Come out now," He said, his voice sharp. Instantly, a bunch of bandits came out. They were all looking at Kirito. He knew their looks. They thought that they were better than anyone-_the arrogant Britannians, the same ones who stood by and let his sister get hurt and his mother die-_and he was here to administer justice.

He tried his hardest to help people and instead he got nothing but hatred. Frankly, he was used to that. "What do you think? I know full well what you're trying to do," He said to Rosalia, "I know what game you're playing, but it's not funny."

"How could you tell, swordsman?" She said, "My, you really are handsome."

"I have no interest in your affection," He spat, "Frankly, to me, your affection seems more like a joke." How on earth could she be so awful to someone that she barely even knew?

"I don't know what kind of person you are, but Silica-chan is ten times better than the person you could ever be. I highly suggest you stop bullying her."

"What are you talking about?" She said, still playing dumb. "Get him, men."

Kirito just smirked and allowed them to hit him all they wanted. "Sorry, but that won't work. I've gotten so high-level that someone like you can't measure up to me."

"You can't attack me, you'll become an orange player!" She cried.

Kirito aimed his blade and pointed it at her. She reminded him of a purple-haired woman who had murdered innocent people and acted like it was nothing-_Cornelia-_and a gray-haired woman who was just as vain and arrogant-_Villetta. _She was exactly the kind of person he despised.

"I'm not afraid of spending the game as an orange player. Stop this right now. I'm sending you to prison and meting out justice."

Silica blushed. "Thank you."

Pina took one glance at Kirito, wandered up to him, and licked him.

Kirito laughed a little. It was a genuine, honest laugh.

"I don't get it," He muttered when he was by himself. "Why on earth do these dreams bother me so much? And who are these people who are bothering me? I've done nothing but be good to them and that's how they treat me?"

He looked away.

The next day, he meets Asuna. She is now the Vice Commander of the Knights of the Blood (for some reason, he pictures the Knights as wearing all black outfits, with their leader wearing a black and purple cape, with a black mask to match, and the name 'The Black Knights' travels across his mind and then some others, like Zero.

"...So when your HP drops down to Zero, you die." He says the words again, and can't help but laugh. Asuna looks at him, thinking he is nuts.

"Of course," She says, "That's the rule of Sword Art Online."

"Well, as a beater, I think there's one thing to remember. You should only kill if you're prepared to be killed, Asuna, that's what I think," He says, with that odd look in his eyes. Sometimes Asuna thinks she is looking at a different person than Kirito.


End file.
